Once upon a time in the not-too-distant future (in distant days longing to sense it all so clear):

Oh, it’s that time of the year again…Thanksgiving is coming up, Christmas is in the air, love and goodwill all around as we hang around family and/or loved ones, reflect on the year that was, wondering what lies in the year(s) yet to come all the while sitting by a warm fire on a cold winter’s night sipping on some cider.

So in the spirit of the season, I present to you My Ten Levels of Hell:

10. Buyer’s Remorse

9. Disappointment

8. That uncomfortable silence at the end of a conversation when you realize when you have nothing else to talk about and in fact, nothing in common anymore with the person you’re talking to

7. That shaky feeling you get after you realized that you almost got into (or did get into) a nasty accident

6. Whatever passes for popular music nowadays…ah, hell- include most forms of populist entertainment here as well (whoever invented and/or is involved with TMZ deserves a special place in Hell, or at least, prison)

5. Times when you were told you didn’t do as good a job that you could have done on a project

4. Being Cock-Teased

3. The fact that there are horrible things out there that you are useless to do anything about (such as there are at least 178 million starving kids in this day and age, the fact that we, as a people, still find the need to conduct experiments on animals, the corporate mindset creationism and of course, all the unrighteous hate and rage that is out there)

2. Being stuck in traffic for hours and hours on end and you only moved about ten feet or so (basically any task that can be seen as Sisyphean is hell to me)

1. The realization that you are worthless, broke, have no friends, have no place to call home and you look like you were beat with the ugly stick- twice.

(I have experienced most but not all of these levels- but these are things I think I will be tortured with endlessly if I ever ended up in the demonic underworld. Good thing I don’t really believe in that. Hell, like Heaven, is what we make of it….

HAPPY HOLIDAYS!

Till next time, true believers- I guess I’ll always hate tomorrow but not as much as I hate today.